I've opened up recently on Instagram and wanted to share "the rest of the story" here.
Truth be told, I've been hesitant to share this because as a health care professional, shouldn't I have it all together? After all, patients come to ME for answers! I have access to the best providers, supplements, exercise. And you name it, I've probably tried it. Still, after years of trying to cut out toxins and eat clean and de-stress, there's still something amiss. Maybe some of you feel like that, too.
After struggling with thyroid symptoms (constipation, dry skin, anxiety, weight gain, fatigue) for years, I felt like I had finally discovered something that worked. After doing the Whole 30 and eating strict paleo, my thyroid antibodies were "normal" and I was feeling good. But the enlargement in my neck was still there. Bothered mostly by the way it looked in photographs, I decided to have an ultrasound and biopsy to see what might be going on.
That's when the feelings of failure hit, The pathologist couldn't rule out that I would need to have my thyroid removed. I had to make an appointment with a surgeon. I felt like my diet, my lifestyle, my body and what I was teaching others had FAILED me. I began to doubt everything I had studied and felt like I was the last person who should be recommending lifestyle changes to anyone. Who would want to listen to someone who couldn't even control her own health?!
One afternoon while feverishly studying whatever diet/treatment/supplement I could find that might help, it occurred to me that the pursuit of health and healing had taken over my life and not in a good way. I had allowed this little gland in my throat to literally take over my life.
I made a decision that day to let go. That doesn't mean I'm going to fall face first into a fast food burger & fries and a Coke all while smoking a cigarette (and if I'm describing you, that doesn't mean you're a failure. We all must begin somewhere!). I'm still going to eat the natural, healthy foods I believe God gave us to fuel our bodies and treat my body like the temple 1 Corinthians 6:19 says it is. But I'm not longer going to stress over being in control. So, for those of you struggling with an illness or situation whether it's infertility, hypothyroidism, anxiety or anything else, I hope to encourage you to do the best you can then lay it down. Don't feel like a failure for the things you can't control and don't stress over the things you can. I let my thyroid steal my purpose and joy for too long. I hope you'll continue with me on this healing journey and that we can learn from each other realizing that no one has it all together.